I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
