Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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