Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize