Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Every concussion has its silver lining
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
