True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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