Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
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