Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize