The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
