How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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