We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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