i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you had me at cake vodka
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
