somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
