Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
