A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
