my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
