Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
