Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
