my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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