We won't sleep together?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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