watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
