Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
