She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
