just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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