why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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