Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
