I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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