So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
