Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
