She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
