yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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