He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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