You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
