He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
