Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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