i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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