According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
