No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm like, not good at living.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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