my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I need moral support for this bender
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
