The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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