remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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