Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
