and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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