miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
pray to the hookup gods
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
