I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
