My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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