She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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