We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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