just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
