i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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