just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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