Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
