i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
