My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize