thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
