I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
