I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize