I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
