i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
