i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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