his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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