This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
