Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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