I'm really into asian looking animals
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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