we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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