i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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