I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
