I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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