Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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