She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
