Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
