Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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