so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I stole a fireplace last night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm sobbing to NWA
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
