Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i think im in europe. pls send help
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