also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
