I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
