when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You need Xanax blowdarts
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
