Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
