We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
