hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
