maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
